


No-Good, Horrible, Disgusting Piece of Stinking Shit

by barahands



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Cute, Gen, Ryuu dealing with small children
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-02
Updated: 2014-07-02
Packaged: 2018-02-07 03:06:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1882749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/barahands/pseuds/barahands
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Here’s a secret: Tanaka Ryuunosuke didn’t have the world’s most bravery. Sure, if one of his boys (or girls) was threatened, he’d be the lion that protected the pride with claws and teeth and everything. And yeah, he could stand his own against forces unseen. But all that didn’t keep him from cowering like a little piglet at the idea of going and saying ‘sorry’ to a little girl.</p>
            </blockquote>





	No-Good, Horrible, Disgusting Piece of Stinking Shit

**Author's Note:**

> Based on [this post](http://imaginethehaikyuukids.tumblr.com/post/89889882537/imagine-tanaka-making-one-of-his-ridiculous#notes) from imaginethehaikyuukids. I might have gone a little crazy with it I'M SORRY MY LOVE FOR TANAKA RYUUNOSUKE KNOWS NO BOUNDS. it's also hella not beta'd at all, so sorry for any mistakes!

Tanaka Ryuunosuke was a no-good, horrible, disgusting piece of stinking shit. No, seriously, he was the worst person to ever exist. He was the scum of the earth and should be put to immediate torturous death by vicious stoning by mothers and innocents alike! This whole story starts right when the Karasuno Boys’ Volleyball Team is coming out of their practice and, as usual, they were making a ruckus. 

“Wow, Tanaka-Senpai, you were on your A game today!” Hinata was bouncing like an over-excited bunny beside him, knees nearly coming up to Ryuu’s chest with every launch. Of course, the only response to his was the Wing Spiker puffing out his chest like an overzealous cockatoo and preening. 

“Of course!” With a long stride forward, he made a powerful pose, lifting his arms with his chest all puffed out and his face contorted with pride (and a little bit--no, no, a LOT--of ego). “I’m the wonderful Tanaka Ryuunosuke! Dragon of the Wing Spikers!” 

The shrieks of pure delight from Hinata were enough to make his voice crack, but he kept on jumping; this time with his arms waving frantically in pure excitement. “DRAGON OF THE WING SPIKERS!? WHAT A COOL NAME! I WANT A COOL NAME!” In the distance (aka. a yard away) Kageyama could be seen with a monk’s patient expression that was slowly cracking with every shrieked syllable. 

“Well you gotta earn it, little kouhai! Be the best you can be!” With a flourish, the pose switched into one of power! and motivation! which Hinata immediately copied and nodded fiercely. 

“THE BEST!” 

“The best!” 

“THE BEEEST!” 

“I can’t imagine ‘the best’ being very good if your actions are anything to go by.” Tsukishima gave a snakey look over his glasses, fingertips pressing at the arch in the middle and a devilish little grin half-hidden (not hidden at all) behind his palm. Yamaguchi stood by him with his own little impish grin. 

“You wanna go, four-eyes!?” Immediately getting up in his face, Ryuu pulled one of his delinquent faces, teeth bared like a rabid dog and his eyes pulled wide. Dominance! Power! Strength! The Tanaka Family Way! 

Then, it happened.

As Tsukishima was making an unimpressed face mixed with a slightly disturbed one, Ryuu’s eyes strayed. It had never happened before; a Tanaka always stared their enemies in the eyes! But something pulled his attention away and he was immediately greeted with two, giant, wobbling blue eyes. 

His face was frozen, pride and horror both keeping it from relaxing even as the little kid started to wail loudly. Fat tears ran down her little cheeks and her tiny fists clenched up against her eyes, hiding the image of the… scary… man… 

The team turned towards the kid and Ryuu could just feel Sugawara’s disappointed look boring into the back of his head. The kid--who was that kid anyway!?--continued to wail, her mother shooting him a horrible dirty look as she tugged her little sobbing daughter away. Finally, Ryuu’s expression fell, showing the horror he felt inside. 

Tanaka Ryuunosuke was a no-good, horrible, disgusting piece of stinking shit.

\---

Oh, but it didn’t stop there. After all was said and done and the jeering from Tsukishima had trickled away, that sad face was all Ryuu could think about. He’d never made a kid cry before. Tanaka Ryuunosuke was usually the one making them laugh and squeal in delight! Yeah, sometimes they got scared because his grin could get a little feral, but he had never--not once!--made a little kid cry!

Even as the group split to go their separate ways, it weighed heavy on his mind. He dragged himself home and the whole time he couldn’t stop thinking about it. He wasn’t a good senpai. Tanaka Ryuunosuke was a horrible man and didn’t deserve to be looked up at. 

The moment he got home, he went to his room and flopped onto the bed. Texts from Nishinoya and Sugawara both were on his phone, checking in on him because they could read him best. With a great big sigh, he ignored them both, letting his face be smothered into his pillow. 

“Auto-asphyxiation isn’t the best way to go, little brother.” Ryuu let out a deep grunt and peeked up at his sister who was leaning against his door frame. 

“Auto-wha?”

“It’s a wonder that you’re even close to graduating, you little snot.” Saeko walked forward and flicked his dome hard, causing him to whine like a puppy and flop over onto his back. She sat down (more like flopped with her big, fat, stupid, caring, loving ass) and pulled his head into her lap, petting her brother’s fuzz with a terrifying smile. “Now tell big sister Saeko what’s wrong. Did that cute manager slap you again? Oh, oh, did four-eyes give you a good tongue lashing?” 

The wiggled eyebrows got Saeko a smack to the knee which only made her giggle. Damn. 

Ryuu wrinkled his nose and flopped his legs around, giving a tiny silent tantrum. Saeko didn’t deserve to have him as a brother. Hell, she probably made kids cry all the time and she still didn’t deserve him as a brother because he was a no-good, horrible--A pinch to his nose made him flail again, only this time in surprise. 

“Come on, dweeb. Tell me what’s going through that egghead of yours. I can’t read minds, no matter what you think.” Another pinch.

“You’re fucking abusive you know that!” Ryuu wiggled, smacking at her hands. Of course, she only laughed at that and continued to torment him. Right as her fingers tugged at his cheeks he groaned and gave up. “I made a kid cryyyy!” 

Saeko blinked in surprise, fingers still grasping her brother’s surprisingly stretchy cheeks. “... you did? Tanaka Ryuunosuke! You are a no-good, horrible, disgusting piece of stinking shit!” She continued to pinch and tug at his face, making him wail and flail about harder, wanting away from Saeko’s claws. With an elbow to the hip and some dexterous (yeah he knew what that word meant suck it) movements, Tanaka wiggled out of her grasp and rubbed at his face. Yup. There were a few cuts there. 

“Abusive--”

“But!” Saeko stopped him with a firm hand to his face. “I’m sure you didn’t mean it. You’ve got the delinquent look down pat, but you literally used to save baby birds when you were younger. Remember that?” Her hand was still over his mouth as he let his head sink a little in acknowledgement. “You used to bring them home and Mom would scream and scream but you’d feed them everything under the sun until they got better.” Ryuu looked away from her too-kind face, not used to her reassuring him. 

“Well, why don’t you do the same thing now that you did then?” Finally, her hand slid off of his face and rubbed up against the fuzz on his head, the terrifying smile turning into an even more terrifying grin. “Buck up, dweeb. Help the kid out a little and prove you don’t beat people to a pulp for fun. You’re not so scary once you smile a little, huh?” Ryuu grunted, nodding a tiny bit before her index fingers pushed into his mouth and tugged his lips up into a silly smile. “Go get ‘em, tiger.”

\---

Do the same thing he did then, huh?

The next day found Tanaka “no-good, horrible, disgusting, piece of stinking shit” Ryuunosuke with a heavier bag than normal. The kid was at Karasuno, so maybe she was the little sister of someone, coming to pick up her dear older sibling. So, after practice Tanaka waited around the front gates a little bit, betting that that little girl would never come to the school again because of him. Maybe she was still in her room, shivering and crying with her arms around her dolly. Ryuu was scum, disgusting, mold on a piece of gross rye brea--There she was. Same big blue eyes, same cute little braids, same terrifying mother. 

Here’s a secret: Tanaka Ryuunosuke didn’t have the world’s most bravery. Sure, if one of his boys (or girls) was threatened, he’d be the lion that protected the pride with claws and teeth and everything. And yeah, he could stand his own against forces unseen. But all that didn’t keep him from cowering like a little piglet at the idea of going and saying ‘sorry’ to a little girl. 

Time to put your balls in a cup and take one for the team, Tanaka Ryuunosuke. 

As expected, the girl immediately hid behind her glowering mother. Of course. She was a kid and kids rarely forgot. Right? It was something like that. God, he’s traumatized her for life. All he had to remember was the baby birds from when he was a kid and he squatted to her eye-level, silently (for once in his life) pulling his bag in front of her. Tugging out a little bento box, he hesitated before holding it out to her.

“It has peanut butter and jelly in it. And rice. and some sausage squid that my sister helped make.” Ryuu only paused for a second before continuing. “I mean, I’m not really good at cooking at all, really. Like, my older sister does everything for me and it’s really kind of embarrassing and none of my other team members know that because I know they would make fun of me, especially that four-eyes fuc--... geek.” On he continued to ramble about nothing, afraid that if he shut up the kid would start crying again. 

Instead, she peeked out of her softening mother’s skirt and mumbled something quiet. Ryuu froze in the middle of his tirade about Tsukishima to lean closer. “... What?” 

“‘m allr… all-er-gh-ick tuh peabut bubter…” The words were obscured by the finger shoved into her mouth and it took everything Ryuu had from not sobbing like a giant baby. 

“Really? Crap! It was all I could make, I’m sorry! I’m the worst! Forgive me, little princess, I did my best!!” Ryuu groaned, letting his head hang, arms still outstretched with the bento. A tiny hand came to rest on his head and Ryuu swore his heart stopped. The hand was kind of wet from saliva and it was a little gross, but that was okay. 

“We can… share???” Ryuu could basically hear the extra question marks as her voice went impossibly high. If he shed a tear or two nodding a little, she sure as shit didn’t notice. 

The next thirty minutes consisted of Tanaka Ryuunosuke, redeemed no-good, horrible, disgusting piece of stinking shit, sitting comfortably under one of the nearby trees with Michimiya Tomoe and her smiling mother, eating from the hastily put together bento. 

After every sausage was played with and the peanut butter and jelly sandwich was dominated by a hungry mouth, Tomoe was tugged away by her mother with tiny tears in her eyes. She waved wildly as her older sister caught up with them, blubbering a little bit and yelling, “Thank you for the food, big brother!!” 

Tanaka Ryuunosuke would be a no-good, horrible, disgusting liar if he said he wasn’t crying as he waved back.


End file.
